30 hilarious jokes…….You know how sometimes you’re just so done with life—like, it’s 3 PM, your brain’s clocked out, and you’ve just typed “Thanks you” in a work email for the fifth time? That’s when you don’t need deep philosophical quotes or wellness reminders.
You need jokes. Stupid ones. Silly ones. “I laughed so hard I snorted in front of my crush” kind of jokes.
And that’s exactly what I’ve got for you today.
30 hilarious jokes that are way funnier than they have any right to be—and yes, I’ve actually tried these on my friends, in group chats, in awkward silences, even at a dentist appointment once (long story).
😂 The Time I Laughed So Hard I Choked on Air
So quick story before we get into the joke list—because context, right?
A few weeks ago, I was scrolling through my phone while waiting at the DMV (aka the purgatory of adult life). My friend Jenna texted me this absolute banger of a dad joke. I read it, laughed way too hard, and then choked on nothing. Just air.
The woman next to me legit asked if I was okay or needed help. I just wheezed out, “bad joke,” and she nodded like she’d been there before.
Anyway—that joke is #5 on this list. So if you see it and die laughing, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
🧠 Okay, Enough Backstory. You Want the Jokes. I Got the Jokes.
1.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
(Don’t groan. You laughed. Or at least exhaled sharply.)
2.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
3.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
I swear this one broke my uncle. He just stood there blinking like his entire worldview got shifted.
☕ Side Tangent: My Dad’s Joke Game Is Chaotic
My dad has been telling the same 7 jokes for the last 15 years. We could all be in the middle of crying at a movie and he’ll go, “Hey, did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.”
Anyway, back to the list.
4.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
5.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
— Yep. That’s the one. The DMV Joke. She still haunts me.
6.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot.
7.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
(Classic. Still hits.)
🤦♀️ Joke Intermission: My Friend Thought This One Was Serious
True story—my friend Lisa genuinely thought “Why did the chicken cross the road?” was an unsolved riddle until like junior year of college. She was like, “I think the chicken’s crossing represents transformation.”
Girl. No.
8.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
9.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
10.
What do you call a group of musical whales?
An orcastra.
11.
Why are elevator jokes so good?
Because they work on so many levels.
12.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it.
🎤 This One’s Pure Chaos – And I Love It
13.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
(I feel personally attacked.)
14.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
15.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
(If you didn’t say “OH MY GOD” under your breath, are you even alive?)
🖼️ [Insert funny reaction GIF of someone fake laughing but clearly crying inside]
16.
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
17.
What do you call two birds stuck together?
Velcrows.
18.
I used to play piano by ear…
But now I use my hands.
19.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
The trom-bone.
🧦 Side Note: I Once Wrote a Joke on a Sock….30 hilarious jokes
I kid you not—I once Sharpie’d a knock-knock joke onto a white sock as a “gag gift” for Secret Santa. My boss ended up picking it. He read it out loud. I got a raise a month later. Coincidence?
20.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
who?
Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here!
21.
Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems.
(Oh buddy. Same.)
22.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.
23.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
24.
What does a nosy pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business.
🎯 Bonus Joke from My Brother That Should NOT Be Funny
He said this while chewing cereal and I nearly kicked him out:
25.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
WHY IS THAT FUNNY?! I hate that it works.
26.
Why don’t crabs give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
27.
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
(I’m weeping for them.)
28.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner.
29.
I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia…
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
30.
Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
Because he was stuck in a vicious cycle.
💬 Wanna Share the Laughs about 30 hilarious jokes?
Text one of these to your group chat. I guarantee someone will respond with “omg stop” or “I’m stealing that.” If not—replace them. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. 😂
If you loved these (or even mildly chuckled, I’ll take it), I highly recommend checking out the joke archive over at Pun.me or following the absolute chaos that is @DadSaysJokes on Twitter. https://kohopoho.com/natural-nail-care-tips/.
